then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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