Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
