it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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