I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
