I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
