I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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