At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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