Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just forgot I was standing up.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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