My room smells like vodka and shame
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
