Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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