Me too!
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
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If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
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I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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