I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
