Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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