He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
