the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
