I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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