She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I need a beard to bite.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
