wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
