New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
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