Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
