Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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