I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
