Nicole vs. Life
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
