so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Randomize
