I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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