Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
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