meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
