Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
