oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
