Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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