you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
