Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
