Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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