He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
