Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
