Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
