either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
