I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
