Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
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No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
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You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
And then he peed in my hair
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