I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
