That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
