I think my fart just growled at me.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
