im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
