Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
