well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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