woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
