You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
no, he came in my armpit
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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