It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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