Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
