I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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