i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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