my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
