Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
