the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
