If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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