I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
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