I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
