He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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