Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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