Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
