I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
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