If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
