Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Randomize
