I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
