the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
