Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
