My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
