Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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